she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
