She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
