Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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