it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
