we were pretty classy up until the second keg
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
don't judge my taste in strippers
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
