i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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