i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
