I'm laying in your front yard are you home
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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