And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
