keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
It's rum buckets o'clock
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
