I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
