I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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