He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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