She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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