We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
