The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
