we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
