My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
