party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize