I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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