I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
