my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
50% drunk capacity currently
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
