I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
