i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
