I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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