Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
