He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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