did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
