I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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