Duck Duck Cougar?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I know her cup size but not her name....
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