And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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