STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
