Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
