I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
