jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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