No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
