i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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