we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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