Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
