his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
