All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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