They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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