I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
