also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
