I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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