Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
