I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
