I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
