SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Randomize
