She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
