I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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