that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
