I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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