i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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