I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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