I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I am spending my child support on dildos
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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