worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
