Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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