He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
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then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
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She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I need to align my fucking chakras
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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