I'd wear matching sweaters with you
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
