What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
