your parents love me but you hate me
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
