I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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