Say something about gay babies.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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