y did u give ur computer a hand job?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
